We just drove our 03s back home to Torrance from Vegas this morning...pulled in the driveway without a problem. About ten minutes later I went to start the car and the AIRBAG dash light is on and an unusual clicking sound is coming from the dash...I turn the key and everything goes dead. The wipers start to slowly go up from their rest position and the clicking continues. The remote will not lock the car and the windows do not drop when the doors are opened...like the damn thing is possessed

The car has the original battery...voltage when checked with a multimeter is 12.4V and never appeared to have any prior battery or charging issues.
Can anyone point me in the right direction before I rip into it or tow it to the repair shop?
Thank you...