2007 R56 Mini Cooper (not S or JCW) with euro-spec N12 engine.

Drove home from work last Friday night and it was fine(ish).
Went to start it on Monday morning and it's cranking but there's no sign of combustion.

Pulled a spark-plug and used it to confirm that all 4 ignition leads are producing a spark.
Did compression test on all cylinders. Cylinder 2 is around 8:1 but 1,3 & 4 are around 11:1
Connected a pressure gauge up to fuel rail and I'm seeing around 50psi.
I realise this is low but I WAS seeing fuel-vapor huffing out of the holes when the plugs were out.

The voltage at the fuel-pump is down at around 10.5v while attempting to start but I'm guessing that's because the starter is sucking up all the electricity.
I plan to hook a separate battery up to the fuel-pump to see what pressure it can provide with a full 12v.

So, in summary:-
I have fuel getting into the cylinders (albeit at a lower than optimal pressure).
No, it hasn't been misfueled.
I have working spark plugs (although I haven't verified the timing).
I have compression (although cylinder 2 is low).
No fault-codes generated.

It's cranking with absolutely zero signs of life.
No coughing, spluttering, rattling or other signs of combustion.
Upon first impression, you'd probably assume there was no spark.

Anybody got any suggestions or advice regarding what else might be causing this or whether the fuel-pump probably IS responsible?
Presumably, if the CPS was dead I wouldn't be getting a spark?
Is it possible that something like a cam-position sensor or the VANOS might be causing this?

If I'm honest, I have noticed that the idle has been slightly rough for the last couple of weeks but, having bought the car in January, I was assuming that was just how it runs in hot weather.
Dunno if that was a sign of some impending failure?

Also, sorry if this is a duplicate thread.
I already typed it out once but when I submitted it the forum acted like I wasn't logged in.